Dear Caregiver: Take a Moment & Walk with Me

I had no idea six years ago that I would suddenly become a caregiver for a lady in the beginning stages of Lewy Body Dementia.

The whole experience with Katherine was new and I would have to say, exciting. She was happy and innocent when I first met her. She wanted to show me her belongings and her beloved kitty.

But as the disease progressed, she became more and more confused and frightened to be alone. As long as I was near her and we did those things that she still knew how to do, she was comfortable and at ease.

But when she no longer understood, and her legs became stiff and wouldn’t move, she became agitated with a mixture of sadness and anger.

The question was how to handle the memory loss? I only knew Katherine from what little bits of memory she had when I started, so I called a couple of her friends to find out more about her background. What did she enjoy doing? What gave her comfort? What were her happy memories that we could talk about over and over again?

I imagined walking in her shoes. I imagined what it was like to look at people and not recognize them. To look at letters and not know the words they spelled. To look at the TV and have no idea what the people were talking about. To think that my Mom and Dad were still alive and I had to go home when they had actually died many years ago. What was that like? What could someone say to me to make me feel safe and secure? And so, I became Katherine’s caregiver putting her physical and emotional needs before my own. Thus, we connected and a bond of trust and love formed between us.

The best way to care for someone whether she is a family member or friend, is to give her your full attention while you are with her, and give yourself and your family, your full attention when you are away from her. That way you become a healthy, compassionate and exceptional caregiver.